sick

Today, I woke up sick. Not the queezy tummy, sore throat, achey joints kind of sick. The kind of sick that comes from noticing truth that isn't erupting from my own life journey. The kind of sick that comes from seeing sin...acknowledging it with remorse and sorrow.

Yesterday, we had an amazing opportunity  to serve/make breakfast for the homeless in our community. Tinkle & I woke up early to "cook" sausage biscuits (it was frozen, but trust me when I say they wouldn't have wanted homemade biscuits from me). We watched several people come up, take the food with thanks, then leave. Each life had their own story...a story I don't know. Though I don't know their story, one family caught my eye and heart in an unshakeable way.

She came with her 4 children...2 boys...2 girls. The children gazing at the food unsure of what to choose. Polite. Not grabbing or claiming. Waiting patiently for someone to offer. The mom helped each child get their food & drink. But when we asked her what she wanted, in a fashion that is so true of a mother, she said, "I'm fine." It was more the tone in her voice. The one that any mother hears and knows. It was the kind that said, "I'm here for my children, not for me." After much encouragement, I think she finally got something for herself. Or maybe she took it for her children later. I don't know. But, in that moment, when one mother's heart spoke, it broke this mother's heart.

A heart broken because of noticing I've been too comfortable. And, just in case you're getting too comfortable, please, I urge you to take a peek here.

So, this faith journey is helping devour the cozy state of comfort. Eyes that only look at the world around me the way I want to see it. Yes, I was definitely getting too comfortable.

remarkable moment

joining Wordless Wednesdays

God is still speaking

while ebay is paying me nothing for this, if you happen to work for ebay, i'll gladly accept payment.
thank you and the end.

The adoption we feel led toward kindof feels like it's at a stand still at the moment.

I've thought about it so often, mostly with questions.

When?
Where?

And the question that has been weighing most heavily...
How will the finances come to allow it?

Lately, we've gotten lots of extra expenses flowing our way. Nothing to the point of unbearable, but rather, uncomfortable. Medical bills from Winkle's surgery, medical bills from my tests, upcoming fall clothes for the kids, bookbag, lunch box, and school supplies, continuing ed classes for me to keep my license, and the list goes on.

Some may see it as mere coincidence that these expenses began shortly after I began praying as to how God would open up the door for us financially to adopt. But here's the story God showed me...

Tinkle's book bag is too small for this year. I didn't want to go the cheap route & invest in a book bag that wasn't good quality only to have to purchase another one mid year. So, I began looking online, in magazines, & in the stores for "the" book bag. They aren't cheap. To be honest, it's not that we couldn't afford to buy the nicer book bag from the nicer store, but it wasn't an expense I wanted to add during this time. We try hard to live within our means & be good stewards of what the Lord has given us. This book bag came at a time I was questioning God. It came at a time where I was wondering how He would provide. Without being intentional about it, this book bag became a symbol of God's provision.

I have to be honest. I stressed over the book bag. Silly, I know. In the process of trying to find a cheaper alternative, I prayed, asked other's opinions on book bag quality, and asked others to be on the look out for me. Someone suggested I try ebay.

While ebay had a decent selection of book bags, finding the right size became difficult as all of them seemed to have monogrammed names already on them. Pre-monogrammed items has never been an option since Tinkle's name is not spelled the traditional way.

Type name brand, type "book bag".
Click.
Cute bag.
Good price.
Click.
Correct size.
Scroll down.
Already monogrammed...
with Tinkle's name...spelled the way she spells it.

While I know this may seem like a silly little story for some, I know God's hand was in it. While someone else ended up owning this book bag, this book bag was meant for Tinkle. Handpicked by Him. He was reminding me that He is in control. That He will provide. That He cares enough about the details, that He's spelling it all out for me.

For now, someone else may have this child, but this child was meant for our family. Handpicked by Him. He will provide. In His time. In His way.

Sunday, someone approached my husband & said he had a dream of a mission trip. We were there again with our family...but in this dream...we had another little girl.

So, today I'm thankful that God cares about the details of it all...down to a simple book bag. I'm linking up with Emily today for Tuesdays unwrapped.

being a mama

I am a mama to 2 kids. Seriously. Sometimes I wake up completely excited all over again. The pure
J. O. Y. of these little ones sends me over the moon in excitement.

Maybe it's the struggle to have children that keeps me immensely in love with them. Maybe it's the amazing relationship I have with my own mother that keeps me totally over the top for them. Maybe it's struggles I faced as a child that has me completely convinced I have it all now.

Or maybe...

maybe it's Him.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

The relationship I have with Him now.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above James 1:17a

The way He keeps my eyes focused on His goodness.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11a

His blessings. Maybe that's what keeps me so smitten over them. Yeah...it's Him.

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!  2 Corinthians 9:15

Join me at Emily's as I thank God for this time in my life.

vbs week includes...

• 
  
  lots of FUN...

• many AMAZING volunteers...

some of the kitchen volunteers

song leader

love the hat!

the prayer warriors for VBS

• some AWESOME LEADERS...

she's really gettin' into the part!

Here's Cowgirl Tinkle

• our FAMILY

One HOT Hubby

Winkle watching from upstairs

• some ORGANIZED chaos...

• 
  
  and One OMNIPRESENT, FORGIVING, EVER LOVING GOD...

who knows each face

each struggle

every heart

and cares for each one

So, I'm thankful that this week this faith in my God is devouring a community of children who are unaware of Him...His love...His grace. Seeds are being planted. Families changed. God is being glorified.

If you've taken the time to read this, will you take an extra 30 seconds and pray for each child & each family that God is impacting in VBS this week? Thank you. Join me @ Wordful Wednesday.

the call

Do you remember this post? I was feeling like God was calling me to do and be more.
Well, here's part 2 of the story...

If you are familiar with my other blog, you know Winkle did not come to us easily. I can honestly say that God's hand was evident throughout the process of wanting Winkle, conceiving Winkle, and delivering Winkle. I knew this was God's plan for our lives.

After I became pregnant with Winkle, I felt a gentle nudging (which I know to be the Holy Spirit) that God was going to continue me on a different journey of motherhood. I really felt called to adopt. Please let me assure you here that this HAD to be the Holy Spirit because this pregnancy did not offer any human desire to think of future children. I felt, though, this wasn't the time to approach Honey, as he would only brush it off as pregnancy hormones and too much time on my hands, because of bedrest, to ponder life's path.

~Fast forward to Winkle being days old~

The nudging began again...this call to adopt. Again, I knew this had to come from the Holy Spirit because nothing says birth control like breastfeeding a newborn, no sleep, and recuperating from a difficult delivery. I tried to ignore it and just gently brush it away, because I knew that if it was truly a call from God, He would have to give it to Honey, too...and well...Honey would have to bring up the conversation first so I KNOW this is God's call. By the way, I hope I'm not the only one who does God this way...the "well, if this is really from You, then You'll do this so I know" thing. Yeah, it's wrong...I know, but, come on...show me some love and don't leave me hanging...you do it, too, right?

~Anyway, now let's fast foward to Winkle being around 6 months old~

Man, my God is persistent. Which, by the way, I thank God for because He should've given up on me a loooooooong time ago. That same nudging is there, rearing it's head, only this time, I feel led to tell Honey...because now He's starting to give me direction. So, I told Honey my feeling led in this direction, my knowledge that He doesn't guide us in different directions since we are now one, and ask him to pray for 2 years (I have no idea why 2 years...I just felt led to 2 years) with an open mind to hear from Him.

So, about a month ago, Honey tells me he knows adoption is God's plan for our lives. The other day I saw him searching the internet about adoption. As I see God growing this desire inside my husband, it thrills me. I've been ready to see God move him, and not just me, and see God set us on the same path.

So, now is my time to come beside Honey, letting Honey lead this God-given plan with God's direction. We're praying about when & where to adopt. As we do, I look forward to seeing God continue to work. So, today, I'm thanking God that He is devouring our plan for ourselves, and setting us on a path that He's called us toward...together. Join me for Thankful Thursday.

So, in this memorial box I put a sermon from our pastor, that you can find here, that confirmed to my Honey our call to adopt.

when life throws me the question "why?"

I just recently heard news that someone I've known for many years is sick. Really sick. She's a private person, so it didn't surprise me that she's told no one. It did surprise me, though, that she never sought medical attention.

She's brilliant. Really. Some may not know that because she has such a type A personality, she's very introverted, and she absorbs herself in her work...in the medical profession. Which is why I know she knew and understood what was going on with her.

So many questions.
Why didn't she get help?

Why did she deny it when people asked?

Why would she choose death rather than life?

As I thought about all these things and the lady behind them, I thought about my King. There are so many questions in life that we will never know the answer to in this life. When I don't know the answers, I can look to the One who holds them all. Steadily keeping my eyes. Fixed. On. Him.

Living life with my eyes fixed on Him isn't easy. It's a struggle to not glare, much less glance, at my earthly circumstances, my own incapable feet, my multiple failures, or my expectations of how this life should be lived out. BUT PRAISE JESUS!!!!

Because when I take my eyes away from those things, and I fix my eyes on Him, He shows me His earthly walk, His capable feet, His triumphs within weak vessels, and His plan for how this life should be lived out. So, though I don't know the answers, I am thankful that this thing called faith in the Living God is devouring my view on life from an earthly perspective.

Thankful that I'm learning to trust Him more when life throws me the question "why"...as I join Thankful Thursday. As I do, would you join me here, too, to worship?


Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7