During our family devotion time, we read scripture, then the story for application, and then we take turns praying. Our scripture reading, story, and prayer time are taken in turns...allowing the entire family to participate..other than the 17 month old, of course.
Our 7 year old hasn't taken her turn to pray in quite some time. In fact, even before our regular nights of family devotion, we would still pray together, and she would choose not to pray. She would continue to say, "I don't want to." or "I don't know what to say."
At first, I would accept her reply and pray out loud for us. Then, I began to say the prayer in small increments and allow her to repeat each word...hoping to teach her how to pray.
Her prayer life hasn't always been this stagnant. I know she knows how to pray, because she's done it in front of me before. Honestly, her prayer life would encourage me in times past...the honesty, true thankfulness of little details...they blessed my heart so much.
"Thank you, God, for shoes so I don't have to walk everywhere barefoot."
"Thank you, God, for my pillow so I can sleep on something soft at night."
This list would go on and on as she would think about each detail of her life as a blessing. But lately...she's at a loss for words.
Earlier this week during devotion, I was determined it would be her night to pray. She said her usual, "I don't know what to say" routine. I tried to encourage her but to no avail. I felt huge disappointment, frustration, and honestly, anger well up inside of me. You see, I realized at that moment, I can't make her pray.
Control. That's what I wanted. Now don't get me wrong, my motive isn't wrong...but my tight, white knuckled grip on the situation is. I want my children to know Christ at a young age, to choose His plan for their lives early on, to desire His purpose for them. But I'm realizing that's not my choice...it's beyond my control.
So, in that moment, we had a talk. My child, eyes now widened at the concern she heard in my tone and the words I chose, listened intently.
I will never make you pray. Mommy and Daddy hope you choose to talk to God, and when you do, you make Him happy. You can talk to God about anything...the same way you talk to mommy, daddy, and your friends. When you talk to your friends, you get to know them better, and you grow in your friendship. When you talk to Mommy and Daddy, we get to know each other better, and we grow closer together. It's the same way with God. When you choose to talk to God, you are making a decision to know Him better and grow in your relationship with Him. When you choose not to talk to God, you are making a decision to not grow in your relationship with Him. That's a decision you have to make, and it's not one that Mommy or Daddy can make for you. But each time you choose to not talk to Him, you need to understand what kind of decision that really is...you're choosing not to grow closer to Him.
After this talk, I prayed out loud. For her. For my 17 month old, and for my future children. That they would desire to know Him. They would choose Him. Because I'm realizing, my prayer life is the greatest power I have over this situation. My grasp will never be enough, but He is enough. So today, I'm grateful that my faith is devouring my desire to control situations that I can't control over my life or my children's lives. My clenched, white knuckled fist holding on and constantly trying to regrasp what can't be held by me, is now a hand that is wide open, fingers spread to it's fullest span, arm held high. And I'm learning to trust Him more. For this lesson, I'm so thankful. I'm joining Thankful Thursday today.
And by the way, she prayed the next night with absolutely no encouragement from us.
He must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30
God bless your dear daughter. You are a Godly mom.
ReplyDeleteFamily devotions are so important. I'm so glad to read that you are doing such an awesome job!
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